Different Opinions Dialogue

Lily Deforce & Vonneke Beeker

Introduced by Katalin Hankovszky

In times of debate and division, this dialogue format is a true treasure to experience. Lily Deforce and her colleagues at Ilfaro embraced an initiative that brings people together around significant, yet divisive, questions. With their solution-focused approach, they designed the “Different Opinions Dialogue,” a structured process allowing any two people to listen deeply to each other and understand one another’s perspectives. In less than an hour, a truly enriching experience unfolds. The purpose of these dialogues is to enter a mode of listening and discovery—not to convince someone with opposing views or resolve a conflict. The structure is beautifully simple:

1. Pair Up Mismatches: Find pairs of individuals who respond differently to “yes or no” statements.
2. Engage for 45 Minutes: Spend time together interviewing each other in turns.

One person takes 15 minutes to explore their own thoughts on the topic. This invitation to speak freely encourages reflection, with the listener focusing intently on understanding.

Suggested questions bring depth to the conversation:

• What led you to answer yes or no?
• Why is this topic important for you?
• What are the first things that you would you like to see change?
• What are you hoping for?
• What difference would that make for you? For others?

The following 5 minutes are for giving back, what the listener heard:

• Do I summarise your point of view well as follows….?
• Do I understand correctly that it is important for you that ….?
• I am with you on ….

The roles then switch, with the second person receiving the same opportunity to reflect and be heard. The final 5 minutes are reserved for feedback on the conversation as a whole:

• “What I learned from this conversation…”
• “What surprised me…”
• “What I appreciated about how we conducted this conversation…”

Lilly Deforce on the dialogue’s impact:

“What is surprising is that when we talk about what we truly long to see in the world, the broader perspective, we all ultimately want the same thing. It’s in responding to ‘What are you hoping to see in the long run?’ where the overlap appears, and people are often amazed by this shared vision.”

In this recording, you’ll gain insights into the creation of the Different Opinions Dialogue, an introduction to the process, and reactions from people who recently tried it. As a bonus, you’ll hear examples of how Lily and Vonneke currently use the format within organisations.

Listen on Soundcloud

Soundcloud photo from Unsplash+